I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
