He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
