I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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