Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
