Yo dont text me then not text me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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