I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
