did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
