Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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