When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
