There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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