strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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