So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
