what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
