there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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