I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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