I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
