I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
