I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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