dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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