Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
