I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
