I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In other news, I just burned my penis
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize