It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize