I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
