So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
