I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
