***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
