my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
A bitchslap is in order.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
