oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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