Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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