If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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