I just cut my nipple shaving
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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