is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
