why didn't you poke me back
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
