The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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