he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
