Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
