Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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