Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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