I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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