There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
