Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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