whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize