I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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