Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
