Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
