My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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