They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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