Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
