come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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