Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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