You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
