i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
