Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
