I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As shirtless as possible
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
