Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
