he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
