a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wear drunk well.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
