I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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