Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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