Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
