After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize