We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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