My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
