there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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