Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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