I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize