The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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