1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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