Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
