I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
