Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
