dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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