Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
