why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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