haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
